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Basically, as well as experimenting with some other blogging sites like Tumblr and Typepad/Vox, I made a new LJ for my newer online username and just ended up migrating over there.

I'm not 100% sure why, because I do like this one too, but hey-ho! :)

So yeah erm, my new main blog which is also LJ is:


My other blogs I had are linked to on there too! I would link to them here but it might get confusing!

So yeah um... I hope to see you there!

Also, happy 2015! lol ^_^

Mar. 18th, 2009

"Your voice, was the soundtrack of my summer, do you know you're unlike any other? You'll always be my thunder I said..

Your eyes are the brightest of all the colours, I don't wanna ever love another, You'll always be my thunder.."


hmm, first post in ages

I've only been posting to twitter recently! I wonder if I can submit to livejournal by text too!

I will try sometime!

Chat later everyone!

Mike =)
Never done that with a trilogy before!  I just sat there and watched like 6 or 7 hours of the Matrix, with friends in and out watching bits too.  I'd never seen the 3rd film, only the first 2, and was initially really unimpressed with the second when i saw it in the cinema years aog so i never went to see the third.

Buuuut this time round i was way more impressed.  The first one was excellent (of course), the second one i loved this time from start to finish, and the third... was very good up until the end.  I thought it was very anticlimactic.  In fact... perhaps (at least on initial impression and the way i'm thinking of it now) one of the most anticlimactic films i have ever seen in my life.

I mean... where was the satisfying destruction of the machines? where was the proud Neo standing up and being "the One", even if the prophecy stuff wasn't true... that would make him kicking their asses all the sweeter!  But no... some weird truce which even if it WASN'T for the huge plot hole of... the machines could just be lying... is unsatisfying and leaves you kinda... yeah it just leaves a bitter taste at the end.

So overall, a great storyline, great films and great action, but just a rubbish ending, at least from a satisfying storyline point of view.  Cinematically the ending was climactic, just not in terms of what it represented.. if that makes sense.  I mean like, could you imagine if in Star Wars Return of the Jedi they just formed a truce with the Empire?  It would be like that... you'd leave like... eh!?  The whole idea of having a super evil enemy to fight is that you BEAT them in the end!!

Oh well, other than that that was seriously fun and i've never watched a complete trilogy back to back before... apart from maybe eps 1,2 and 3 of star wars but we meant to watch more but got tired lol

aaanywho, there's my critique and now the next film on my list is the third LOTR film, which i also never saw.  Coolies.

Chat later everyone =)

and something else!

i should try to go with the flow and stop trying to fight for things all the time.  sometimes it's a great trait to have, but recently it's just left me fighting for things i don't have or that won't be in my path simply because i don't have them.. you know?  that's really silly.

instead of considering all these abstract plans and stuff, i should just go with things, whatever they are now, and see where life takes me.  The path to happiness is through contentment, and i am never going to be content if i am constantly considering things i don't have!

if i let my guard down, go with the flow, and just try to enjoy myself i think i'll be surprised at how easy it is to get over my anxiety and be happy =)


ok, confuzzled ._.

there are so many like, strands of thought running through my head recently.  a really big part of my mind wants to just, hide away =(  you know? like, get somewhere all by myself and just hide away from people as i feel so AWKWARD and weird when i am around people now due to anxiety.  but i KNOW that won't truly make me happy, i'd be sitting there all day on the pc, playing MMOs or tapping away in linux or whatever i'd be doing, as days would go by and to be honest i think it WOULD probably help my anxiety go, as i would have nothing to make it higher so long as i did a bit of pc support work to support myself.  Because like, there would be no frictions with other people, or pressures or anything as i would be completely in control of my own life.

But why do I want that? Other than things like not feeling as strong as i used to (for a few reasons) the main reason i want that is because i have been so tense and stressed out because of anxiety and it's triggers that i just can't even take normal day to day LIFE anymore, you know? everything scares me.  but that's not a reason to become a hermit, surely ,_,  some secluded no-life... life should be a last resort but i KNOW it wouldn't truly make me happy.  Because I know what makes me happy, i always have and i always will.  What makes me happy is sunshine, hot beaches, waves, water, friends, people, a girlfriend.. adventres, travels and exploring.  you know? that is the real me, deep deep down, underneath all this confusion, all these scars and messed up rubbishness.  he's still there :(  but i don't know for how long, because i feel like he's dying.

but i know i don't wanna take like, meds or anything for anxiety, because i feel like however my brain is tackling this, that's the way that is natural and i'm certainly not going to start trying to influence it like that with drugs.

so, what should i do? i've got somewhere to stay in london for a little while.. but man whatever i do i need to be sure of it, and it needs to feel stable and i need to feel safe.  No more rushing and uncertain lifestyles, that will only make me panicky.  Well, unless life is so light that it just doesn't matter..

and girls, there's a major issue for me too.  i used to be so good with girls and girlfriends and stuff.  so why is it i now feel like the sad guy who can't really get a gf and sits there while other people get them?  Man i'm not being this guy for much longer, i have to give sorting myself out the biggest shot of my life or i'm never going to pull myself out of this.. i'm not going the rest of my life without another gf, or living alone.

i feel like i have 3 paths, and 3 drives at the moment:

1. become a total hermit (that's like the loooow path)
2.  live a rebellious lifestyle, living in crazy places and doing crazy things, but to be fair, i think that part of my life is over now.  I've been to tons of gigs, and parties, and stuff... sadly no festies, but i've done similar things, and now my ears are all screwed up because of all the gigs... greeeaaat...  but like, the idea of living in squats and that stuff sounds cool, but i dunno, maybe i'm crying out for a more comforting life again... like...

number 3.  which is find a really cool gf (there are a few good looking potential things so that should be cool), and just calm down for a bit and live a nice little life, travel in a kinda enjoyable, slower way, see sites, and just take a break from all the need to be... rebellious and mad lol  besides, maybe that part of you is only there because you weren't happy being where you were before and wanted a different climate, hotter weather etc.  You can have spirit, but not be REBELLIOUS as such.

There are so many ways to live.  I just think i need to start to settle just a little bit, or i will find myself flailing around and my anxiety will never go, i need a rock or preferably an island to cling to in this ocean, just while i find my feet.

ok, done, that's what i'll do.  now i just need to work out which rock.. hehe, i guess sometimes choice can be a bad thing.

well, tomorrow i live somewhere new.  in London.  I'm in Canterbury at the moment, and man the last few weeks have been mad.

I was in Orpington for ages with everyone in the flat, then cant with friends for a few days, then south wales, now BACK in canterbury with different friends... and now to london! but at least i'm finally out on my own a little, it's been bumpy as hell but who knows, if i stay focussed, believe in myself and hold my head up, maybe i can turn this into something and really have a future!

oh and btw everyone check out this song as its amazing!

Sigur Rós - Inní mér syngur vitleysingur

wish me luck all! .. *takes deep breath!*

see you round,

Mike! =)  -

i just...

quit CEX! hehe

It was really quite accidental, I walked out of work quite early in the day today, i just don't like that place, and they knew i wanted to quit anyway so now... i'm gone! hehe

I just wrote a long post about it on ukhippy so i won't repeat lots but I am glad i'm gone, it's weird and I miss it a little, but at the same time the place was crazy and so stressed and stuff, and it wasn't doing me much (or ANY) good.  Although I guess I enjoyed some of the experience, and I met some wicked people.

That's all I guess, but I would like to write more soon!

Mikey ^_^


ah well! It's been a little while since I've posted on here..

I'm not entirely sure why i am really, i just thought of livejournal for some reason and thought it would be nice to let some thoughts out =)

Erm, yeah things aren't great but they're not terrible, I've got to hurry this entry a little as I'm going off to do a computer job later (at 2) so yeah, not too much time!  I've been feeling alright, still wish I had it in me to feel more carefree again, but I never manage it - life is so temperamental and I'm always scared something bad will happen or it will hurt me.  Like the fact I have no money, or no clue where I wanna go, and no gf... that sucks too.

I've been thinking a lot recently actually, about a few things - firstly about trying to encourage myself into situations where I might kinda, meet people who are like me or want to travel or do general hippyish stuff hehe - so like outdoorsy/surfer shops, volunteer work, ukhippy gatherings, things like that!  Might do me a lot of good, I don't think CEX is the best place to meet hippy types lol

On top of that, I wanna become less dependant on technology.  So i'm ditching my fancy phone, and making a lil pledge to myself to only use technology for like, trying to work out things that are OFF of technology (other... than... livejournal... i guess... lol), otherwise i get too sucked into it.

So, I'll go to some ukhippy gatherings this summer =)  I'll grab my tent and go! I'll do some more computer jobs, try to get out more... maaaybe change my job or maybe just go and see my friend in canada and go travelling with her, who knows! I dunno...

Also, I have no idea why I'm listening to Lene Marlin and I'm like a bird by Nelly Furtado lol - ok weird hehe

Ok, but once I've got my life in shape, or once it seems a bit friendly and nice, i need to relax and enjoy it =)  I don't wanna fall into the trap of ALWAYS wanting more or pushing myself just because i'm almost... USED to not being happy/content with things.  Or am I already in this trap? I dunno..  But I like these songs anyway, I think I like the more emotional approach to life, but I also have quite a lot of bubbly and happy get up and go in me, man i hope i rediscover it all ^_^

I don't really change that much do I? hehe  and I like staying the same =)  Oooo new coldplay album playing now! eee ^_^  bye all =)


scared ._.
and my journal is so consistently emo i'm really sorry, i hope it picks up - i'll try ok? =)